Friend gets mad at colleague for getting a job that he would have wanted to get even though he didn’t even know it was available nor applied to it: ‘He's come to my city and had an interview for a job in our field, in my city, without telling me anything’

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Sep 5, 2026 11:15 AM EDT

Looking for a job doesn't mean that you deserve the position.


If you were actively looking for a particular job in your field and around your city and you didn't realize there was an opening that perfectly fit your expectations, then you aren't looking the correct way at all. If I had a friend who had become a colleague, as we studied the same and we dedicate our lives to the same thing, and they got a job that is close to where I live, so now they would move closer, I would be thrilled. Your friend and colleague, whom you like (that's why he is your friend), is moving closer to you and got the job he wanted. If you aren't happy for him, then you seem more like a hater than an actual friend.

Friends get happy for their friends' achievements. But not u/Throwaway130491. He got jealous over her friend getting a great job. And what makes everything worse is that he started to blame other things, not to admit that the problem he has with his friend staying at his place is actually the fact that he is jealous that he got a job he thinks he deserves just because he needs it. Being out of a job is hard, and you can be having a particularly hard time with it. But that doesn't mean that you can be out of your mind. A job is a job. A friendship is more than that. There will be other openings.

What gets me the most about this situation is the fact that this person is sure that if his friend had told him about the job, then he would have gotten it. That is an assumption, not a fact. When you are looking for a job, you are the one in charge of getting the interviews, not your friends. Especially when they are also looking for opportunities. So take the L and move on. The friend is going to live closer, and this person is only thinking of what would have been but never will be. 

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  • 01

    Am I wrong for not wanting a friend to stay at my house because they didn't tell me about a job offer?

    For reference, this friend of mine lives in the other side of the country but comes to my city once a month and crashes at our house (where my girlfriend and I live). He's a pretty good friend of mine and usually I have no complaints with him staying, aside from a few times he's brought in random friends I don't know. We both have the same studies and work in the same area (wild animal rehab) but I've been looking for a job in the field for about three years unsuccessfully, especially because I
    via Throwaway130491
  • 02
    The jealous friend pretending he isn't jealous. Photo is a representation of scenes.
    via Alexey Demidov

    The jealous friend pretending he isn't jealous.

    Photo is a representation of scenes. 

  • 03
    internship. Recently I got let go amicably from my previous job in an unrelated field because my contract ended, so since about two weeks ago I'm back on the search for a job. Turns out that in that time, he's come to my city and had an interview for a job in our field, in my city, without telling me anything. I'm very mad at him for this, because he knows I've been searching for years for this kind of job, and one that's close by that I wouldn't need a car for, and he still withheld this inform
    via Throwaway130491
  • 04
    distance from my home, I'm recently unemployed, and I really need the money to pay debts and rent alongside my girlfriend, while he lives in a completely different city, has a car which gives him a lot more flexibility for other jobs, and lives with his mother without paying rent. Now that he's been hired, he's told my girlfriend that he wants to crash at our place again while he looks for an apartment, and I'm not really feeling like I want to let him stay this time around. Apparently he has an
    via Throwaway130491
  • 05
    AITA for being this mad and for not letting him stay? Edit: I'm still mad at him and I think I have the right to be disappointed at him for not telling me about this. However, all of your comments are allowing me to see that I'm overreacting and I should not be willing to ruin a friendship over this, that I should have applied anyways, and that I should be happy for him instead. Thank you all for your insight.
    via Throwaway130491
  • 06
    A man working on his computer.
    via Christin Hume

    A man working on his computer.

  • 07
    Equivalent_Lemon_319 I feel like a job just happening to be available so close to you which you had no idea about is kind of an issue on your part.
    via Equivalent_Lemon_319
  • 08
    AlarmedWafer4907 You posted on another post about hating yourself and intentionally stirring up drama to come out on top. Please take your head out of your a and go to therapy.
    via AlarmedWafer4907
  • 09
    BulbasaurRanch So there was a job local to you that he was qualified for and somehow you think he's the bad guy because you didn't know about the job? Your failure to find the work is his fault? You seem to be mostly upset at yourself for being terrible at finding jobs and are looking for someone else to blame It's not his job to look for work for you (he has a job already, at this animal rehab place)
    via BulbasaurRanch
  • 10
    HUNGWHITEBO125 So...what...you expected him to pass on a job in the off chance YOU could have it...? Ya YTA
    via HUNGWHITEBO125
  • 11
    ohfucknotthisagain YTA You're just jealous. If you want to throw away a friendship over that, then he's better off without you. And seriously.... You weren't searching very hard if you missed a job that is within walking distance. Come on, man. You're getting mad at your friend because he actually did the work and got results. He's not obligated to tell you if you're half- assing it, which you obviously are.
    via ohfucknotthisagain
  • 12
    IrrelevantManatee YTA. Why didn't you see that job opening? It's not your friend's job to be on the lookout for you. It was close to you and perfect: he problably assumed you already knew.
    via IrrelevantManatee
  • 13
    Suspicious-Water-973 "I did see the job opening, but it asked for a different kind of degree than we have and a friend had been rejected from a previous offer at this place, so I didn't apply." If you are unemployed, assume nothing. Takes 5 mins to call them and ask if the criteria are strict. Or apply anyway and let them do the screening. Jealousy is not an attractive vice, by the way.
    via Suspicious-Water-973
  • 14
    h4ckr00t21 Why didn't you apply for it? Snooze you lose. Instead of taking accountability for the missed opportunity, you want to be mad at your friend for doing what you should have done.
    via h4ckr00t21
  • 15
    RitaFaye88 My guy, how vigorously are you looking for a job if there is an opening in your city that you were unaware of? Does your friend owe you a job? Why is it his fault that he was offered a job he was qualified for that you didn't even apply for? Grow up and get a job on your own.
    via RitaFaye88
  • 16
    fck-rffld NAH for not wanting someone to stay at your place. It's your perogative. YTA for everything else you said. If you're so keen for a job in your field and in your area how the h I did you not know about it!?! And what makes you think you'd get the job? The entitlement is horrendous.
    via fck-rffld
  • 17
    Performer-Complete YTA You being unable to find a job or know about an open position near you is a you issue. It has nothing to do with your friend. You clearly aren't looking in the right places if he was able to locate and obtain a position near you without you even knowing it existed. How about asking him where he found the job and if he has any recommendations about the job search in your field since he just got one?
    via Performer-Complete

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Invalid Argument jealousy job interview entitled people
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